Deadpool in infinity war
by Beta117
Summary: Deadpool crashes into battel. Quite literally.


A shift in the wind. A change in air temperature. A feeling of dread. The others can feel it to. Something is coming. I bring my hand up to my earpiece. "Everyone on my position. We have incoming."

Just as the worlds left my mouth a portal opened. It thrashed around like blue storm clouds. Out of it walked a large purple man. The most notable feature was the golden gauntlet on his left hand.

"Cap." I hear Banner say, "Thats him."

This is him. The one responsible for everything. He's responsible for all this death and wishes to cause even more by whipping out half the universe. I feel anger, more than I do fear. 'If we don't stop him here it's all over.'

"Eyes up. Stay sharp." I say as I bring my arm gauntlets up. I start running towards him as he slowly walked towards us. I look up as I hear what sounds like a engine and double take. I stop running when I see the biplane is diving kamikaze style at thanos himself.

Thanos turns around just as the plane crashes into him. It must have been rigged because it exploded on impact. I almost held hope that it actually might have killed him but it was short lived when the explosion glowed purple and and began disappearing into the gauntlet.

He opened his fist as the last of the fire disappeared leaving him seemingly unharmed. "A pitiful attempt at best." He said turning back towards us. He began slowly walking towards us once more but I was distracted by a man in a goofy red suit parachuting down behind thanos. Came to an abrupt stopped several feet from the ground as his parachute suddenly snagged in the trees.

"God damit! That was going to be so cool too!" He yelled out as he pull out a gun from its holster. Thanos, appon hearing the voice closed his fist, the red stone begining to glow, and wiped around just in time for the man to shoot thanos in the forehead. The Titan lurched and dropped back before crashing to the ground, dead.

The man stares in shock, his suprise was somehow visible to everyone even though he wears a mask. A few seconds pass before he lets out a whoop of joy.

"HA HA HA! That's a point for X-force! That brings the score to X-force one, Avengers zero! And bringing up the rear is the Guardians with negative one! Nice job Starlord!" The man begins to rant about how awesome he is but I honestly am to busy trying to snap out of my trance.

Vison behind us comments "Is this what dreaming is like?" It almost makes me laugh. Almost.

Banner responds, "This is honestly more like a fever dream than anything."

The man continues his ranting, "-I mean seriously? Why don't you guys just use guns? They've work for centuries." Then he addresses me. "Hey cappy you were in the military! What works better? Hitting someone with a shield, or shooting them in the head?" I open my mouth honestly about to answer when he cuts me off

"Never mind! Don't answer that! Because I already... I... uhhhh..." he stopped talking as he stared down at the body of thanos, I then noticed it was glowing red and quickly disappearing. "Oh... son of a bitch." He said. Suddenly the branch holding him up snapped. "Ow! Son of a bitch!" He yeld out as he he the ground ungratefully.

"Your existence is as pitiful as always Wade." A familiar voice said as thanos sizzled into existence with his foot on top of 'wades' chest.

He looks up at him. "Hey big guy. You look different. I could have sworn you were red before."

Thanos, closes the gauntlet and the red stone once again glows. "Stop talking." He says irritated.

"Ha! You wi-" Suddenly suprise takes hold of wade as he reaches for his mouth almost panicked.

Thanos takes off his foot from wade before kicking him in the side sending him flying towards us. I duck down as he flys over me before he comes to a sudden stop when he hits the hulk buster armor. Im surprised when he gets up easily enough because I definitely heard several bones shattering.

He reaches for his mask and rips it off to reveal a disfigured face. He looked as if he has been burned alive. But what seemed to be the main point of interest was his panic at not being able to open his mouth for whatever reason.

"Cap!" I hear a shout of warning. I turn to see thanos once again coming towards us. We once again begin running towards him to hold him off. Okoye and Romanove go down first. 'Did she just try to Tazer him?'

Banner goes in for a swing but goes right through thanos. I notice he is destracted as thanos pushes the hulkbuster suit towards a stone face. Stepping up and pushing up of a fallen tree I jump up and slam him in the back of the head he grunts, releasing banner.

He spins and hits me hard with his fist knocking me to the side. I see Wilson get knocked out of the sky in a purple blast. I quickly scramble back towards thanos.

T'Challa runs with me to attack together. He jumps up and manages to slice thanos's face as I slam the back of thanos's leg causing him to kneel.

I land several blows to thanos's chest and T'Challa jumps at thanos again but he is simply grabbed out of the air. Thanos Brings back his gauntle as he prepares to stike the king but I grab his arm and manage to stop it in my desperation.

He stops and looks at me slightly bewildered that I stopped his attack. We stood there staring each other down for several seconds as I hold him with all my strength.

Suddenly the man from before slides under thanos's arm as I hold it and stabs a katana through thanos's foot and into the ground locking him in place before stabbing thanos in the chest with a knife. Thanos lets out a cry of pain.

"Nobody X-men Origins me!" He yells. I notice he is bleeding from the lips, presumably he cut them open. He rips the knife out and stabs thanos in the chest again. "Never again!" Thanos throws me to the side and grabs Wade by the shoulder as wade attempts to stab him once more. He loses his grip on the knife leaving it stuck in thanos's chest.

Wade looks at the gauntlet that is grabbing him as the purple stone glows. Thanos throws the king and he smashes into the ground unconscious.

Wade gasps. "Black panther! Oh no! This is so sad! F.R.I.D.A.Y.! Play Africa by Toto!"

Suddenly music starts playing from the immobile hulkbuster suit. " _It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you! There's nothing that a hundred men or more could do! I bless the rains down in Africa!"_

Thanos looks at wade confused as he explains. "What? We're in Africa. It fits."

Thanos growls "This!" He yells as he begins to crush wades shoulder. I hear several bones popping as wade lets out a bloodcurdling scream of pain. "This is why I detest you so much! Everything is a joke to you!" He takes his free hand and gestures to us.

"The rest of them fight for the survival of others. I fight to save the universe! But you?! You do it for kicks!" He shouts in anger. I notice a man with a metal arm who is definitely not Bucky slowly creeping up behind thanos with a gun like I've never seen before.

"That's not true. This time I'm fighting for the F word." Thanos looks at wade confused for a second. The man behind him turns a knob on the gun and a makes a whining noise. Thanos looks behind him in shock before the gun releases a blast that throws thanos across the forest releasing wade in the process.

The man looks over at me. And mouths "family" to me. Before walking up to wade. "So. DP, Can we beat this guy?" He asks casually.

"I dunno. We could probably pull something out of our ass." He says. He holds up his hand. "I did manage to get this though." I see in his hand a shining blue stone. I look over to see thanos bewildered as he stares at his gauntlet now missing two stones.

The man grunts. "That looks important." I see Deadpool get up as he disturbingly put his shoulder back together.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and jump. A girl with pink hair wearing a black suit stood above me. "Hi! I'm Yukio!" She says happily.

"Uh... Steve." I tell her.

"Nice to meet you." She says as she picked up my hand and shook it. "Hey. Your strong. Wanna help?"

"Yes."

She laughs. "Alright. Just grab on to this rope" She says as I stand up.

Thanos ripped the sword out of his foot and the knife out of his chest before He began began running at Deadpool and the other. yukio spun her cord before it electrified and wrapped around his gauntlet. I grabbed on and pulled with all my might causing him to stop in his tracks.

Wade suddenly disappeared from where he stood and reappeared in a flash of blue holding thanos's other arm before the other man also grabbed it.

Thanos looked back and forth between us before laughing. "You know... Stark tried the same thing."

It was now Deadpool's turn to laugh. "If stark tried it you can be sure it's not the same as our plan." He said. I then noticed another girl, this one with black hair, sprinting at thanos full speed. She suddenly burst into flames as a loud screeching noise came from her. Thanos looked over his shoulder to see her running at him.

He closed his fist and the red stone once again began glowing. It was then that I noticed the rope I was holding had disappeared. His hand now free, he pivoted, the purple stone now glowing. He backhanded the girl with the gauntlet, a large explosion came as a result and I had to shield my eyes.

The girl was sent sprawling on the ground by the hit. Thanos quickly threw off the man with the metal arm and grabbed wade. Thanos looked at his arm shaking it a bit before commenting, "That stung."

He looked at wade. "Now... the stone." He said as he reached for wade with his other hand. Suddenly wade turned blue before phasing out of thanos's grip.

"Holy shit! This thing is awesome." He said in suprise. Thanos went to grab him but wade flashed blue and disappeared only to reappear several feet away.

Thanos lets out a huff of annoyance. "I figured your immortality would let you hold the stone but I never would have imagined you could actually use it."

Wade just laughed. "Not often that I suprise myself."

Thanos lets a smile appear on his face. "This would make things more complicated, but then again." He close his gauntlet and the green stone began to glow. Two green runes appeared around his wrist. A larger green rune appeared when he opened his palm, before he closed his fist again and everything flashed white.

Suddenly I was once again on the ground and thanos had Wades shoulder crushed in his hand. He suddenly threw wade away violently before spinning and punching the man with the metal arm behind him.

He smirked as he looked at his gauntlet. "That's much better."

It took me a few seconds to realize what had happened but Wade was already back up and furious. "You purple cheating dildo!"

Thanos just smiled at him before saying. "The space stone is to strong to let you toy with it. If you had any real comprehension of it, you could have killed me in seconds."

Wade nods his head. "Alright that's fair, little upset that I don't get to play around with it but you forgot something."

Thanos just shakes his head. "And what would that be?" Suddenly screeching flames came out from behind thanos and huge explosion hit him in the back sending him flying several feet before stumbling to a stop. A large wound was now visible on his back and a chunk of his clothes were burnt.

"You forgot about the super angsty explosive." Wade said. The girl looked at him with mild annoyance and begins to correct him. "Negasonic teenage-" but wade cuts her off. "I know what I said."

She began charging up an explosion again. Thanos closed his fist and the yellow stone began to glow.

The charging stopped and she had a terrified look on her face. "What did you just do?"

He smirked. "That power of yours is something dangerous. So I made it disappear." The blue stone began to glow and she was suddenly tossed back hitting a stone face before falling unconscious.

Wades gasped. "Oh shit! You can do that?! Hey Colossus!"

Suddenly a completely metallic man came running out of the trees charging at thanos full sprint. "I'm asummuing thats da cue."

Wade started shaking his head and flailing his arms panicked. "NO NO NO! Absolutely not! Stay away! Never change!"

But it was to late as with the move of a wrist he was turned from metal to a normal white male. He tripped in his surprise and fell to the ground.

"Ohhhh shit! And just like that, our relationship is over." Wade said. "Sorry big guy, it's not me. It's you."

 ** _Autors note: I'll get to the next and final chapter when I figure out how I'm gonna fucking end this._**


End file.
